Hard Heart.

Last day of Ramadhan 2014. It was a Sunday and on the Friday before that, Abah suddenly made sure that my brothers and I had our Sunday morning free. When asked, he said, "Nak pergi kubur." and I just shrugged an okay. Sure I thought it was weird because we don't visit the cemetery like, ever (I know the Prophet encouraged it in order for us to reflect) and the last time I went was maybe three years ago? I remembered that it was a few days after my paternal Wawa's death. ('Wawa' is what some Boyanese call their grandmothers. Some use it to call their grandfathers too.)


The first grave we visited was my paternal Tok's and we cleaned it up a bit and recited the Yasin afterwards. My Tok's grave was nearer to the middle of the cluster and it was near a tree. There was a storm earlier in the morning so it felt kind of nice to be in a place where there weren't so many people (not the living ones, that is) (I didn't mean to be punny).


The second grave we visited (pictured below) was my paternal Wawa's and it was drizzling by then so we didn't spend as much time there as we had at her husband's. Like I said, she died around three years ago so her grave was out in a section where it had started to get more organized then so there wasn't any shade anywhere nearby. There weren't any trees and it was just concrete and everything was perfectly compartmentalized. What else is new, my dear tiny little island? Anyway, there were slightly more people in the area and it was right beside the living quarters for foreign workers and while my dad was reciting prayers, I kept wondering if they experienced any scary episodes. >_<


Below is my dad spending some time at his mother's grave. It made me wonder how much he misses her and how much it hurts to lose a loved one. I sound very clinical right now, don't I? Sighpie.


After that, we went to my maternal Tok's grave. He died before I was born so it was a really long time ago so he was buried in the older cemetery. I've got the names all mixed up so I'm not sure which cemetery is which. All I know is that we needed to get onto our bikes and went out again to the main road to get to the older graveyard. My dad said that my Tok's grave is due to be dug up soon. I'm not sure how the process works but I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Anyway, can I just say that it was my first time there and the place looked so creepy even  in the bright light of the day? You can tell straight away that place is so old just by the type of trees that grow around there. Tall trees with long, curvy moss-covered branches? Oh yeah.


A ditch separated the road from the graveyard area and will you just look at the wooden board that's been placed there as some sort of makeshift mini bridge? I hope it doesn't give way until all the graves in the area have been dug up and relocated.


Compared to my paternal grandparents, my paternal Tok's grave was very plain and it was unmarked. There were no signs or names. Zilch. But alhamdulillah, we found fresh flowers on it, meaning someone must have visited recently before us. I guess it doesn't matter much even if people don't know whose grave it is as long as your own family keeps it well-tended and does not forget you by keeping you in their prayers.


I don't know how to end this post. I'm still thinking about this.