Year 4: Day 1
The stars didn't fall today; Tuesday, August 11
Today's the first day of school for me as a fourth-year student. Honestly, I never thought I'll still be doing this studying thing after three years of constant freaking out and 'I am never doing this again's but yeah.. Here I am. Year 4 Global Studies major. I'm not gonna be graduating with first-class Honours nor second-upper, let me be clear on that. I barely made it for Honours before they lowered the criteria. So.. anyway, I promise to do as much work as I can possibly manage inshaAllah. Kalau dah tahun akhir abe perangai masih na'uzubillah.. Tak tau ah apa nak cakap. Entah bila nak jadi orang.
To sign off, here's a poem that I wrote about two years ago. I'm not a poem kind of person but once in a blue moon, when I'm feeling in the extremes and just writing it out in a journal-style post doesn't cut it, I'll resort to poetry. It's really basic and it's a poem about university that I wrote after my first year of feeling overwhelmed. But like my Primary 6 Math teacher told me when we met during my second year in uni, "You have Allah in whatever you do, so you should never fear anything else and do your best. He will help you if He wills to."
University is a race
I can't keep up with the pace
Everybody seems to be doing so well
I get lost all the time and it feels like hell
Readings are a must and participation marks
I can't speak up well; the difference is stark
The culture is different
Not what I was used to
I find myself feeling earned
For a moment in the past or two
I used to run in a pack
Now I'm a lone wolf in the crowd
With hi-bye friends and maybe one or two that stuck around
I'm not one to crumble under pressure but
I'm circled by slaves to the competition
So now I scramble to self-assure
Even though this is not what I've envisioned
I admit that I am lacking
But this is worse than what I had imagined
Procrastination and a lack of will
Coupled with the rat race is not a good deal
At times when
Tutorials
Readings
Group projects
Assignments
Class participation
Things start to get too much
I will start to wonder about how if I had gone down another path
"Lau inni fa'altu kaana kadza wa kadza"
Though I know I should not
Because "QaddarAllahu maa shaa-a"
But I truly do miss the days of the past
The biah islamiyyah that was not scarce
Then I was reminded again of God's grace
"Laa yukallifuLlahu nafsan illa wus'aha"
Afterwhich I return to the race
Running and this time round,
Doing a little better
In keeping up with the pace.
Here's to a good Year 4 and a me that does my best in everything, Bismillah.
To sign off, here's a poem that I wrote about two years ago. I'm not a poem kind of person but once in a blue moon, when I'm feeling in the extremes and just writing it out in a journal-style post doesn't cut it, I'll resort to poetry. It's really basic and it's a poem about university that I wrote after my first year of feeling overwhelmed. But like my Primary 6 Math teacher told me when we met during my second year in uni, "You have Allah in whatever you do, so you should never fear anything else and do your best. He will help you if He wills to."
University is a race
I can't keep up with the pace
Everybody seems to be doing so well
I get lost all the time and it feels like hell
Readings are a must and participation marks
I can't speak up well; the difference is stark
The culture is different
Not what I was used to
I find myself feeling earned
For a moment in the past or two
I used to run in a pack
Now I'm a lone wolf in the crowd
With hi-bye friends and maybe one or two that stuck around
I'm not one to crumble under pressure but
I'm circled by slaves to the competition
So now I scramble to self-assure
Even though this is not what I've envisioned
I admit that I am lacking
But this is worse than what I had imagined
Procrastination and a lack of will
Coupled with the rat race is not a good deal
At times when
Tutorials
Readings
Group projects
Assignments
Class participation
Things start to get too much
I will start to wonder about how if I had gone down another path
"Lau inni fa'altu kaana kadza wa kadza"
Though I know I should not
Because "QaddarAllahu maa shaa-a"
But I truly do miss the days of the past
The biah islamiyyah that was not scarce
Then I was reminded again of God's grace
"Laa yukallifuLlahu nafsan illa wus'aha"
Afterwhich I return to the race
Running and this time round,
Doing a little better
In keeping up with the pace.
Here's to a good Year 4 and a me that does my best in everything, Bismillah.