-.-

Someone called the other day because I had not filled up the employment survey for graduates. I mean, the due date is the 15th of January but I guess people are impatient.. So I ended up doing a ten-minute survey on the phone, which I barely survived because a) I don't like talking on the phone and, b) I was anxious that the person on the other end was judging me for being unemployed all this time.

Anyway.

I started my job search again today and even created an account on jobstreet (like you'd think I would have had one by now). I skimmed through some job descriptions (on jobstreet and other portals) half-heartedly and shut all the tabs down. It feels overwhelming, just reading the descriptions. I always end up telling myself I'm not qualified or I'm going to screw the job up if I end up getting it. I don't know lah. I need to get a job soon because even as I tell myself I'm okay with my current situation (and I really am), a lot of people around me seem antsy that I'm jobless. It drains me to continuously smile and say I'm still jobless and am totally fine with it and still have people worrying. I know it's in the best of their intentions (that everybody should jump onto the capitalist bandwagon because that is what is expected) (not that I know what to do if not be part of the system) (see, this is how much of a norm it is) but yeah.. So, here's to me killing myself slowly with anxiety as I try to make others happy.

Well, that's dramatic. I mean, I know I need to get a job and be useful in some way and not burden my dad with having to support me now that I've graduated. But.. wow, is the anxiety real.

Anyway, Bismillah. May Allah guide me. And you. And everybody else :)